Self Care, Small Business, and Community Activism with Shawn Dixon of Otis and Finn Barbershop
In our last post, we spoke about the importance of mental health and touched on self care being an important part of overall health and wellbeing. In this post, we’re going to dive into self care a bit more in-depth, and in particular talk about how men can - and really should - make an effort to practice self care more often, not just for their own health and wellbeing but for that of their loved ones and communities.
Self care does not come easy to me, nor does it come easy to many people, especially men. I’ve touched on this before in the #fatboywinter article: when it comes to self care, support, and advancing a common cause, the ladies are leaving men in the dust. And good thing, someone needs to lead the charge! It’s important to see value in oneself, internalize that value, and convey that internalized value to an outside world.
It should come as no surprise that women have a better handle on self care than men because they arguably have a better framework in place due to the feminist movement. In fact, the notion of self care, at least in a modern sense, one could argue stems from feminist icon Audre Lorde. In her book of essays A Burst of Light, written after being diagnosed with cancer a second time she writes:
“I had to examine, in my dreams as well as in my immune-function tests, the devastating effects of overextension. Overextending myself is not stretching myself. I had to accept how difficult it is to monitor the difference. Necessary for me as cutting down on sugar. Crucial. Physically. Psychically. Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
In many ways the notion of self care has been diluted to become something akin to an open invitation to self indulgence. An excuse for a spa day if you will. That’s not what I mean when I say self care. Self care is not about self-indulgence and individualism, but rather it is a moral exercise.
For the purposes of this article, I’ll provide my definition of self care below. Obviously this is not the end all be all definition but rather a useful starting point. I view self care as the practice of focusing time and effort in the service of knowing, understanding, and respecting oneself. Put in simpler terms, it is simply taking care of yourself and treating yourself as if you matter. In practice, self care is putting self respect into action.
According to philosopher and historian Michel Foucault, “Socrates and ancient ethicists understood that caring for oneself was to exhibit an attitude not only toward oneself but also toward others and the world, attend to one’s own thoughts and attitudes in self-reflection and meditation, and engage in ascetic practices aimed at realizing an ideal state of being.
I view this all to mean that we have a duty to practice self care. To understand ourselves, spend time with ourselves, to make sure body and mind are in sound working order, to speak our truths, to not hold our tongues when we see something wrong, to be prepared to take action and lead when appropriate, to know our limits, to test our limits, and to know when to back down. It is to portray ourselves in a strong and respectable light, and to be kind and patient to ourselves and others. It is an act of defiance in a world that wants us to fall in line and shut up. It is vital for anyone in this historical moment, and it is absolutely vital for men.
We’re living in strange times. The bedrock of our economy, for many people, is shaking. Small businesses are struggling. People are losing jobs and livelihoods. I’d argue that a lot of the political mess we are in is due to a tectonic shift in our economy that is making even the historical winners in our system into losers.
Historically, men have been seen as the providers for their families, and we had a social contract that said, follow the rules and do your part and you’ll be able to bring home enough to live that middle class American dream. Men didn’t need self care, they were taken care of, and so were their families. That’s gone now, and people are pissed off, scared, and frankly, losing their shit. On the other hand, I think women, and other marginalized groups, since they never really had much political power to begin with, had to create infrastructure to support themselves out of necessity. Pride is an exclamation of self care.
Now that men too are losing political and economic power, we need to work even harder to hold our ground and say we have value too, but this is new for us and ripe for manipulation. In fact, white, cis, straight men are pretty much the last group in line to assert any kind of self care or publicly claim their place in the world has value too. Why do you think the proud boys exist? It’s a weird form of self care for straight white guys with misplaced anger.
A counterweight to the toxic masculinity that is filling the void would be a masculinity rooted in strength, morality, honesty, service, internal confidence, and patience. What we need now, is to acknowledge that to move forward we need leadership. We also must acknowledge that self care is a necessary component to sound, moral leadership. Finally, we must identify, celebrate, and emulate examples.
It is at this point that I’d like to introduce Shawn Dixon. Shawn is not only a member of Nicely Fit Co. but he is also the owner of Otis and Finn Barbershop and a true civic leader in a time of crisis in our community here in western Queens.
Shawn started Otis & Finn in 2014 in Long Island City with his partner Kirk Riley, who is a barber at the shop’s location on 44th Road. Since then Otis & Finn has expanded to three locations, with two in Long Island City and one in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Before starting Otis & Finn Shawn worked as a lawyer for six years.
SP: I’m just going to jump right in and ask, how are you finding the time and emotional and mental resources to run your business and also be out there advocating for others? I have one location and I’m drained!
SD:It’s hard for sure. Definitely the most challenging period of my life both professionally and personally -- and I used to work 70, 80, 90 hour weeks at corporate law firms.
But, I’ve found that moments of adversity or periods of crisis is when I am able to focus the best and concentrate. It’s when work feels the most valuable to me because I know it’s needed.
This situation, however, has been a long crisis so it’s hard sometimes to push yourself to keep going when the return for you or the business isn’t there or immediate. But, anytime I feel like “is this all worth it, the sleepless nights, the anxiety, the sort of public scrutiny that comes with stepping forward” just try to think of my barbers and the joy they bring to one another and to their clients and the space we have created in the shop. And it’s important to keep believing that we as a society will get to a better time. But for now, it’s worth it to be able to provide even a brief break from the crisis for people when they come into the shop. And it will be worth it on the other side too for all of us to still have jobs for our 13 barbers and a space where we get together and celebrate each other and our community.
SP: How do you approach self care personally and what does it look like for you?
SD: Self care is something I’ve struggled with. I’m kind of always on in terms of thinking about work no matter what job/school I was at. And for the barbershop that has been especially true because it’s mine, and I love it so much, and what it’s become, and the people who work there.
But, as I’ve gotten busier, I realized that if I didn’t prioritize self care it just wasn’t going to happen. So what I have done is just make sure it’s incorporated into my day like anything else and make it a priority. So, for example, for the gym, I joined Nicely Fit and it’s appointment based and that means I carve out that time to work out no matter what is going on. And that’s particularly important for me because otherwise I would always put it off to go later and deal with more immediate needs, and then the next thing you know the gym has closed and you’ll do it tomorrow and that never comes.
The other thing I do is make time for things that I’ve wanted to do but aren’t necessarily part of my larger career goals. So for example before the pandemic I signed up for banjo lessons. And that feels so indulgent to me to take that time every week to go through a banjo lesson but, (1) I like it, (2) it assures that I have that time every week to step outside of what I am doing, the news (I’m a news junkie) put my phone down and just focus on something I like doing that isn’t part of any sort of larger goal. It’s just something I enjoy doing.
SP: Otis and Finn barbershop has an amazing culture! Speaking as a client I always feel genuinely well cared for. How have you created that culture and how does the idea of self care permeate your professional life?
SD: I’m so glad to hear that because that’s what we are trying to do. The whole idea of the shop was to be radically welcoming to every person that comes through the doors. I think for some people, particularly the LGBTQ community, sometimes the barbershop can be a place that is a little intimidating if you don’t know the culture of that shop. Or there was sort of a new trend of very high end barbershops that were maybe slightly a little too cool. So we wanted to do away with all that. Everyone is welcome and celebrated without pretense.
The culture of our shop is what I think makes us so different from other shops that operate in the same space. It’s the most important thing I look for when I hire barbers. Is this someone that is comfortable enough in their own skin and mature enough to be able to make everyone else, from any and every walk of life feel comfortable in their own chair? Or is there at least the seeds of that kind of thinking in this person that we can develop?
The barbers all believe in that philosophy too, and so I think that’s why we have been able to build a space where you know you’re going to get a good haircut, but also you know you’re going to be able to step outside of the hustle and bustle of NYC when you come in and enjoy a community vibe. The barbers being able to project that sense of community I think puts the clients at ease, allows them to let their guard down while they are in the chair and loosen up and open up a bit -- and that’s when it gets fun. There is nothing better than when the whole shop is engaged in a good conversation together. I like to say that when you come into our shop you are likely to find a drag queen sitting next to a CEO and everyone is loving it. That’s what makes the experience special.
SP: How have you found yourself in a position of leadership, can you walk us through the work you’re doing and what led you to this point?
SD: I have always had a strong sense of social justice which I learned from my grandparents sitting around the supper table, and so I’ve never been afraid to speak up when I saw something that wasn’t right or just seemed unfair. LIC is a unique place because the rezoning a while back allowed for a lot of development quickly and a lot of people moving into the neighborhood without the traditional established political structure or leadership to pave the way. So I think in a lot of ways there was a bit of a political leadership void in this neighborhood and that wasn’t necessarily bad. Because what that has meant is that our residents and other businesses had space to step forward and have their voices heard.
For me, I think that started when Amazon was about to move into the neighborhood and as you know that was going to be down the street from us on 44th Road. I think a lot of people saw it as a great opportunity and I understand that. I was never against Amazon entirely, but I was against the deal that was put forth. I saw 3 billion in tax breaks for the richest man on earth to build a building here, import jobs, strain the infrastructure, which is already strained and price out small businesses all without community discussion or input. And that felt wrong to me so I spoke up.
But I think more recently I just had a hard time wrapping my head around how small businesses in NYC were treated during the COVID-19 crisis. To this day it is completely unbelievable to me that the government was able to shut my business down, take away jobs from my 13 barbers for 95 days and not compensate me, not offer any relief on rent or operating expenses or anything at all and expect us to somehow survive. That is so immoral. And it really shook my belief in our government. So that’s when I decided to really step forward and try to be a loud voice because this time it wasn’t just me, it was all our neighbors too. Restaurant owners, actors, who make up a lot of our clients, gym owners and fitness folks, comedians, artists, it was everyone. Everyone was being left holding the bag and that’s not right.
SP: How are you able to keep coming out to fight the good fight?
SD: I draw on our barbers and clients as a source of motivation. I don’t want to do anything that would put them in a bad or negative light but through this they’ve really supported us stepping forward as a small business in the neighborhood that has a wide reach to use that platform to be a voice for others who are hurting just as bad or in many cases worse who may not be comfortable stepping forward. Sometimes it feels like maybe it’s not worth it because people like Cuomo and DeBlasio seem completely indifferent or ignorant to the extent of the damage they’re causing. But then a client will come in and say that they appreciate us being a voice in the community and that they are proud and then you remember that’s why you’re doing it, speaking up for people who either aren’t comfortable stepping forward or just don’t have the time or energy or resources.
SP: Who are your role models and inspiration?
SD: Dolly Parton is a really big source of my inspiration and as goofy as that may sound it’s always been her for me. When you peel back the outward facade of Dolly you realize that this is a woman born poor in a cabin in Tennessee who has built a $500 million dollar empire that she uses to create jobs in her hometown and is always giving back to people in need.
I actually have incorporated her philosophies into the barbershop. And by that I mean we accept everyone for who they are, and we never talk shit about our competitors, always be nice, and never punch down and we try to lift people up. You almost never hear Dolly say a bad word about anyone -- and why would she, that would be punching down.
Even her business ventures were built to help provide jobs to the people in her hometown and it worked. A lot of her family members work at Dollywood -- I know because I’ve been.
But also, she is a generous philanthropist. A few years ago when wildfires ravaged East Tennessee she gave $1000 a month for six months to all the families that lost their homes. Of course she has the Imagination Library that gives all kids in TN a book a month until they are 5 years old, which was inspired by her father who couldn’t read.
So her heart is big, her business savvy is second to none, and that’s before you even get to her music which is among my favorite of all time.
SP: How can others get involved and work to make a difference?
SD: You know, I think the best thing you can do is speak up when you see something is wrong. You don’t have to organize a movement or devote your life to it, but anything helps. Write a letter to an editor, write your elected officials or just do direct service at a food bank or give back however you can. Or reach out to someone you see organizing and ask how to best be involved.
Also, in this environment just checking in on people and letting them know you’re thinking about them is a powerful act. I think people are feeling very isolated right now and so helping people battle that may be the best thing we can do in this moment.
SP: What message do you have for men in particular when it comes to self care and getting involved in a constructive way?
SD: Make time for yourself and treat it like you do every other obligation. For me, for example, I know if I go more than 2 or 3 days in a row without working out my attitude turns sour. So as hard as it may be to motivate myself to make time for it or think of it as a priority, when I do that I’m helping myself and I’m also making myself a little more tolerable to be around for my barbers. So taking care of yourself is important.
My only advice is to not overdo it at first. Like anything, you should start small, make time and small commitments and build from there. The worst thing you can do I think is to overcommit yourself, then you burn out and feel like you haven’t accomplished anything and then all of the sudden you’re back at square one.
And, I think most importantly right now, we -- and I try to tell myself this too and it doesn’t always work -- need to all be a little nice. There’s a long winter ahead so be nicer to others, but also ourselves.